curtains are read
there's a newsletter now! i have to personally send out these emails so please subscribe. that sounds fun
before anything else, my cd of graham kartna's for your safety and the safety of others came in! im really excited about this, i love graham's work and he does not normally put out physical releases, and even this one was heavily limited. 120 total i believe
very cool!
i started my meds yesterday, and they're making me feel really sick. i know that's a common side effect, so i'm not making any judgement calls until the first month is up unless they make me actively worse. it's just not fun, lol. i felt extremely nauseous all of yesterday and again this morning. but we ball, as they say.
on the bus to work today, i was thinking about something. i was thinking about cutting, as i tend to, but also about writing and how it seems the zeitgeist perceives it as something lesser than art. maybe this is a feeling largely informed by my own position as a writer, but it's something i've noticed and been told directly even if the people don't realize they're saying this. a lot of this is what inspired me to write there must be more than blood a few weeks ago. i think a lot of people perceive writing as a lesser to visual art mediums. i don't think this is a matter of infighting, or anything, but rather just the outcome of something with its merits hidden beneath the skin.
cutting is a vice. smoking is a vice. drinking is a vice. vices are bad. but when you're in public, do you gawk at someone smoking for hurting themselves to feel better? can you gawk at someone who drinks? probably not. unless they're literally turning yellow. did you know that heavy alcoholism does that? crazy. and you might judge them then, but not before, cause you wouldn't know. and i think that's where cutting contrasts. you see it. someone is hurting themselves to feel better, and you have to physically look at the damage they're doing to themselves. you never have to look at a smoker's lungs.
i think it should be clear that the damage the smoker is doing to themselves is much more permanent. sure, scars may never heal, mine are probably going to be visible for the rest of my life, and that's ignoring the possibility of a relapse, but they're just that-- scars. there are levels to everything. there are social drinkers vs people who drink when they feel bad vs people who drink to feel numb. there are people who cut vs people who maim themselves doing it. obviously, the more intense your action the harder it is to justify. but cutting doesnt have the same social contract, if you cut, at all, there is something wrong with you. because why would anyone ever hurt themselves? ignoring all of the other ways people do, of course.
i have a lot to say about this but quite frankly the nausea from lexapro is making it really hard to focus or do anything right now, so my point is this: the more effort something requires out of you to understand and interpret, the less interest most people have in understanding it. the curtains are stained red.
Straddled the Atlantic coast, told you I loved you the most.
Stood without a doubt, I'd come up with the perfect route